Juicing

I'm sure most readers are aware of all the recent controversy over Kool-Aid Man's accomplishments. Most feel it's obvious he has used anabolic steroids, or some sort of growth hormone. They note his friends who had connections with steroid laboratories, or point to the increased size of his pitcher. But what really troubles me is that many observers feel his accomplishments are tainted. No one natural could put holes that big in a wall, they say. No one pure could be that refreshing after a tough game of stoop ball, they say. They call for the asterisk. An asterisk, to denote his artificially sweetened achievements. But I believe all true fans of thirst quenching should reject the asterisk. After all, aren't the walls Kool-Aid Man destroys now much stronger than they used to be? He once ran through walls of sticks and mud; now he must deal with reinforced steel and other modern alloys. Furthermore, due to global warming, today's children get much sweatier and hotter than those of yesteryear. Are all these changes accounted for in the record books? As long as Kool-Aid Man is able to deliver refreshment to those who need it, I reject the asterisk!